Uncomfortable Christianity

I can't begin to describe the comfort it gives me to be a Christian and know that there's an all-powerful, just and compassionate God who loves me and guides me, is merciful and forgiving. It's comforting to know that there's more after death than being cooped up in a casket and that I have a purpose in life until then. And I feel safe saying that I can handle anything that comes my way as long as I have my faith and a personal relationship with Christ.

But sometimes it feels like someone is rubbing sandpaper against my heart.

One of my bosses is an atheist -- a down-to-earth, patient and intelligent atheist. My co-workers and I have gotten into a few conversations about religion and I honestly think that sometimes he's searching for us to say something that will convince him there is indeed a God.

I've also been e-mailing two Chinese students through a program at school. We've gotten to know each other and every week, we have a different theological question to discuss. The guy says he believes in God, but the girl doesn't think God exists because she says she hasn't seen proof. I've definitely used what I've learned in class to answer their questions and it's a wonderful feeling to be able to explain some of the deeper parts of why I believe the way I do. We've had some great discussions about where we come from, our purpose in life, what comes after death and so on. Even if she doesn't come to Christ through my e-mails, I hope I'm at least planting a seed. And even though the guy says he believes in God, I don't know that he's necessarily a Christian. I think he probably believes in a higher power, but that that power is the one and only God whose Son died for our sins, I'm not sure.

During one of our exchanges, we watched an online video that asked people what their purpose in life is. It made me want to cry to hear people say "do well in school" or "have fun then become worm chow." Then what? It's great to do well in school, share your happiness, do good things and blah blah blah, but all that means nothing apart from God. It's even frustrating sometimes to have so much proof for His existence around us and still so many people who are blind to it.

Today, I watched another video about Heaven and Hell. Several people said they were probably going to Hell, but they weren't worried because that's where their friends will be.

Although it makes me that much more anxious to be the kind of witness I feel I should be, I get impatient. Why can't they see that it makes complete sense to have a Creator? Why can't they see that there's more to life than going clubbing and drinking themselves senseless? Why can't people see that God is loving? I've heard people say several times that when things are going well, it's because of something they've done, but when things turn sour, oh, that's God punishing them again.

A couple of days ago, I sent a message to one of my friends from high school. We were never close, but I wanted to say hi and see how she's doing. I got her message back soon after and, no joke, I'm really afraid she could be borderline suicidal. She's been through a lot and put herself through a lot. She said she's homeless right now, which probably means she's staying with friends. I'd love to offer her the guest bedroom here, but 1 - it's Hilda's house and she'd need to charge rent and 2 - I'm actually afraid to. She has a lot of issues going on from drugs and problems in school to unhealthy relationships and anger management issues, but I feel like this is the perfect time to reach out. I told her to call me if she needs me and to let me know what I can do for her. I have no idea how she'll respond. ... There's so much sadness and hurt in the world that it can be a real burden just to hear about it. I haven't yet mastered giving all my worries over to God.

Occasionally, I'll write a quote or Bible verse on my dry erase board. Right now, I have one taken from 1 Tim. 1:6, 12. "Fan into flame the gift of God. ... For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. ... (I) am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day."

So many people groan, roll their eyes or ignore anything that has to do with the Bible, God and Christianity. And you know what? Sometimes it's understandable. Red-faced, suspendered preachers yelling about fire and brimstone and telling girls not to wear pants don't help. People like Joel Osteen who preach the Bible but not the Gospel don't give us a good name. And televangelists who take people's money certainly leave a bad taste in the mouth. So-called Christians who support gay marriage and abortion aren't exactly setting a good example, either.

But all the people I just mentioned -- from the druggies to the cynical to the downright misinformed -- are the ones who need to hear about God the most. It's the most important thing in the world. It's urgent. Even now, I sometimes get embarrassed voicing my religious opinions in front of non-Christian friends or feel like I'm being too goody-goody, but believing in God should be the last thing I'm embarrassed about. Look at how much He's done for me and I can't stand up for that? How ashamed I should be to hang my head or keep my mouth shut.

One of my favorite verses is Luke 11:33. "No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light."

God's Word does no good if we're selfishly keeping it to ourselves. How many lives could be changed if we left the light in plain sight?

I suppose it's better for us to be uncomfortable in situations like these. It would be a greater cause for worry if we could listen to these things and not be moved to do something about it.