F for Me

You would think that a writer could keep up with her own blog. "You write for a living," people might say and have said. "I bet it comes easy." Yes, my friends, it does in fact come easy, but unfortunately time is fleeting and fills quickly with other to-dos.

"I have a late meeting; I'll be too tired when I get home."
"I need to call Mom/Pete/Sarah/Ester."
"I have to catch up on my Bible study."
"My bathroom needs to be cleaned, and since it's mine, I guess I'll be the one to do it."
"I love this show. I'll do it tomorrow." And so forth.

So I get a F, but I'd like to think it's for effort. I told Sarah earlier that I'm starting my blog again, and she was impressed. "Most people, if they let it go that long, they never go back," she told me. So there. At least I'm not like most people.

I've thought of at least a million and three things to write on here since my last post a bazillion days ago. Things about school, people I meet, work, things I hear on the radio, disappointing trends, "The Bachelor," wedding plans and the like. Most of those ideas stayed in thought form and are now too foggy to recall.

So, although I am disappointed in my own time lapse, I will prevail. Yes, here I go, delving back into the thought-provoking depths of blogging with a humble, yet attainable, goal of writing at least once a month -- not for anyone particular, not on deadline, just for the sheer joy I get from keeping an online diary of sorts. (That doesn't mean my life has been joyless the past several months, mind you. I just don't always have the motivation to write about it. ... Or I forget.)

Maybe I am motivated now because I got to talk to Mike Minter today about setting goals, or maybe it's the "This American Life" episode I heard about quitting that ruffled my feathers. (I think the quitting lady was supposed to be motivational, but motivating the audience to quit, which I didn't buy into. She seemed a little selfish. Another episode about a 5,000-mile cross-country bike ride, on the other hand, was completely refreshing, even if the guy did it because he thought he would die in six months and is still living almost 20 years later.)

But I digress.

Because there are several random things I want to put into words, as is often the case, I will again turn to the trustworthy bullet format. My new boss says it's easier to read anyway.

1. I'm always tired at work, and I think it's because I have no natural light. (That, or I'm anemic. http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/understanding-anemia-basics Maybe I should buy some iron supplements.) There are windows around the building, but the only bit I can see from my seat is through a massive peep hole four times the size of anyone's eye. I am actually concerned that it is affecting my health. My boss told me to get more sleep, but I get plenty. Pete told me to drink more water, but I drink the same amount I always have and wasn't this tired before I started working there or the Observer for that matter. I couldn't see any windows at the Observer, either. I'm fine on my way to work, when I'm out of the building and once I get home, but as soon as I put my things on my desk in the morning, I yawn. It's like clockwork. It's hard to focus on work when you're so tired, so I proposed that we cut a hole in the roof above my desk to make a skylight. The roof is caving in anyway, so perfect. I'm not as open to having a window in the wall across from me because I'm afraid I'll upset someone with an article and will have rotten eggs thrown at the glass. That, or people will look in when they drive by, which would be just as distracting as being tired. I also proposed a yoga break, but a few people in the newsroom said they wouldn't want to see some of our co-workers do yoga.

2. I will be married in exactly two months. Pete and I went to Hilton Head last weekend to work out some details, and I decided I want to have a house there, or at least a tent on the beach. I am so excited that I can't fall asleep sometimes. We still have to figure out music, give the green light on flower arrangements, finalize a reception menu and take dance lessons, but I absolutely can't wait. I made Mom tell Mamaw that we're having alcohol at the wedding, so that's a small weight off my shoulders, too. (Mamaw wanted to know why we couldn't just have punch.) Pete has been a big help with planning and so has Mom. I'm glad we didn't push to get married last fall, although I am increasingly more impatient.

3. We are also looking for a place to live, which is both scary and exciting. I don't want to feel like we've settled here, although I do think we'll eventually move up north. It's hard to pass up buying a home right now because there are so many cheap places, and we could get the tax credit. I'm ready to start our lives together, but I feel a little blind going into it since I've never bought a house before. I suppose we will grow wherever we're planted. At least we're in it together.

4. I really enjoyed work today. I've always liked my job, but the past couple of weeks have been a bit stressful. Today was different. As I posted on Facebook earlier, a grandmother called and nearly cried when I told her I would mail her a copy of her grandson's picture in the paper so she wouldn't have to drive 15 miles to pick it up. Another lady asked me to have breakfast with her one Saturday simply because she wants to meet me in person. She calls me when she wants events put in the paper. I interviewed another man whose father was an alcoholic and abused his family. He turned his life around and is running for the state Senate. ... I also keep a stack of "fan mail" in my personal archives. Compliments from readers or sources mostly. They make me feel better when I'm having a bad day and remind me that I can do my job and do it well. There are so many interesting stories to be told, and I love telling them. Some stories touch people's lives, get them involved, make them laugh or cry or call me the next day, having no idea who I am, to tell me they enjoyed reading an article. Even calling people back when I say I will makes a big impression on them, and I like knowing that I'm making a difference, even if it's just for a few minutes. I needed that today.

5. A couple of weeks before I graduated, I couldn't believe the end was so close. I briefly thought about auditing a class this semester, then decided that I needed to pare down my commitments for a while. I was excited to wrap up the assignments, but knew I would miss it, and I was right. I'm still there for my Bible study and I still have my friends, but I REALLY want to continue making an effort to stay connected. The first Wednesday of the new semester, it was weird not being in class. I was happy not to sit in class for three hours, but I also felt like I was missing out. I was back on campus a couple of weeks later to meet Stephanie for lunch. Standing outside the building, it was like being with an old, comforting friend. People talk about spiritual nourishment, and that's exactly what SES gives me. I miss immersing myself in the people and discussions there, but I still have so many opportunities to learn and share what I already know.

6. Hilda's dogs are driving me insane. They're dirty, spoiled and annoying as heck. Hilda is truly a caring, compassionate person, but I've never hated an animal so much. It's not that I don't like dogs; I just don't like THESE dogs. They were sick a while back and I was so hoping that they would keel over, but then they got better. Punishment. They get treats for everything and whine or bark constantly, then get sick and throw up on the carpet. I feel bad disliking them so much, but how much can a roommate take? I guess it could be worse, but I'm not sure how. (This entry seems inconsistent with #5, but I'm not sure how to approach this one with a positive, polite attitude.)